Garbage

2004

-Apartment-

"Useless piece of shit!"

The anger is boiling over and I just can't control my self. My hand is on his throat digging deeper and deeper into the skin. I can no longer feel my other arm. It's like on autopilot, just smashing into his face. With every hit his face looks less and less recognizable. Cheek bones and the nose are melting in with the rest of the face. Blood gushing everywhere. The puddle is growing and I'm starting to see my own reflection.

Looking over at you, under all those tears, I see the look of satisfaction. You've suffered enough. He took you to hell and back. Used you like a fucking rag doll!

I want to hit him again...but he no longer looks human.

Hero

1994

-Basement-

I miss you so much! I miss the walks we had through the park. I miss that look you always gave me when you were proud of me. I remember you were so proud of me when I conquered my fright of the ferris wheel. Every time I got on it, all these horrible images would fill my head. Many of them had to do with the ferris wheel stopping and leaving me all the way at the top with no way down. The worst one was the cabin braking off and dropping to the ground. You were always patient. You told me that I could beat any fear. You explained the odds of something like that happening are zero to none.

"There is no point in getting all worked up for something that probably might never happen."

I will never loose this. I know how much it meant to you. You fought for a little piece of that freedom. The odds were against you, yet you never gave up...you never surrendered. They kept pushing, and for those 14o horrifying days you pushed back. Because of you, that city is called the Hero City. You will forever be my hero.

Clueless

2008

-Bed-

With your hand on top on my chest you start to fondle with my chain. I still can't believe you got that tattoo on your wrist. Two, blue little birds? I think your addicted. When I first met you, you already had three. Little flower on your left ankle and the two stars on both sides of your pelvis...which I find fucking irresistible.

You hold up my cross and ask "Are you Catholic?"

"Not really..." damn I should have thought that through before I answered. Your eyebrows lowered and I can see you weren't expecting that answer.

"What you mean not really? Why are you wearing it then?"

"It was a gift. I also like the shape of it...just have to take off the gymnast!"

"Thats not a gymnast, it's Jesus!...wait, you really don't believe in God?"

...oh if I could only be honest with you, I just don't have the energy. I should have just said yes and ended the conversation there. I've been with girls like you before...I can read you like a book. Oblivious to reality. This will lead into hours and hours of you trying to explain to me that there is God. Why do people always try and pull you into what they believe in. Everyone makes their religion sound so perfect. God will take you to heaven, Allah will give you seventy two virgins... Give me a fucking brake. No one knows what happens after we die. If believing in something works for you, doesn't mean it'll work the same for others. Chasing uncertainty is not for me.

"We were clueless...so we created God, to explain our own creation."

Please Be A Dream

2002

-Car-

I shouldn't even be here! It's too early in the day to do this kind of shit. My stomach is doing back flips and my head feels like its being cracked open with a sledge hammer. What a bad fucking situation!

As soon as I get out of this car and the cold winter breeze hits me in the face, I will realize how much in deep shit I really am. Where is my god? Why is it only in situations like this do we test our faith? I have no faith in me, yet I still pray for that phone not to ring.

There is a hundred ways this can go horribly wrong! What is going to happen after I help them? There is no way I can just walk away from this knowing what I know. How the fuck did I get my self into this shit? I want to wake up right now! Please let it be a dream!
With a concerned look on his face, he stares at that phone. What an evil mother fucker! Just let it be. Nothing is ever enough for you scum bags.

When that phone rings, an innocent man's life will be placed in my hands. If I tell him a lie, he will die. If I warn him...

Shirt

2008

-Room-

Please don't pour me anymore.
Few more shots and I will slam my face on that floor!

Look at you laying there, one hand squeezed between your thighs...the other one pulling on the bed sheet. Short black skirt I asked you to wear tonight, and my white dress shirt that you kept from Sunday. Never mind the heavy breathing and moaning, its your eyes that are telling me you want to feel my weight on top of you. You have no idea how hard it is to control my self and...god your sexy lips are just driving me crazy.

Remembering two nights ago...
I already know how hot this is going to get.

Not A Killer

1993

-Apartment-

Why are they shaking? They are shaking so much! I've never felt this way before. I'm scared shitless and I'm starting to feel dizzy. It hasn't been more then seven seconds and my hands are already tired. I can barely hold it. The sweat from my forehead is running down my face ...I want to throw up. No child should ever have to feel this way.

I see he is scared too. He can't decide to either take it from me or leave the apartment. The last thing I herd out of his mouth was

"Oh fuck! ...hey kid take it ea..."

then all the sounds started to fade. I see his lips moving as he slowly progresses towards the busted door...I just can't hear him. The only thing I can hear is my heart beat. Feels like time has stopped.

The movies make it look so easy. Pop! ...and the bad guy goes down. Why can't I pull the trigger? Every time Dad takes me to the woods, I've never had a problem pulling the trigger. It even feels good to release a shot and see the bottle shatter into a million pieces.

Maybe it's because of that girl from the fourth floor. I never knew a life could be taken away so fast. I also never got to tell her that I liked her. She was the cutest girl on the block and she always had that goofy smile on her face whenever she ate ice cream.
Seeing her cross that street...poor girl never saw it coming.